TALES OF KLITORIKA

Ayan na po mga kaibigan, sa wakas malapit ng lumabas ang pangalawang libro ni Klitorika abangan nyo po. At maraming salamat sa mga taong naging bahagi ng pangalawang librong ito
alam nyo na kung sino kayo ;-)

Sa mga masugid na taga subaybay ng blog ko at mga sumuporta sa book 1 Maraming Salamat po. Promise mas malilibang kayo sa Tales of Klitorika.

Thanks Ulit! Muah!

FOREWORD:


Parang isang kabarkadang masayang kakuwentuhan itong si Klitorika. Siya yung tipo ng kausap na palaging nakakaaliw ang paraan ng paglalahad, kahit may mga pagkakataong posibleng hindi kayo magkapareho ng pananaw o pagtanggap sa paksang pinag-uusapan, sa kaso niya'y ang paksa ng sexualidad. At tutal ay napag-uusapan na ang usapin ng sexualidad, ang mga kuwento niyang may imahen ng pakikipagtalik at libog ay masasabi kong mga kuwentong nauuna ang pagiging "kuwento" bago pa ang pagiging "nakalilibog." Sa mundong lahat ay nagmamadaling magbansag ng salitang "bastos" sa lahat ng pagkakataon, tao at sitwasyong hindi sila sanay, ang mga nakatha ni Klitorika ay maituturing na isang magandang simula.


Vlad Gonzales- Guro ng Malikhaing Pagsulat at Kulturang Popular sa UP May-akda ng
"Isang Napakalaking Kaastigan"

SECRET BY HEART

READ BETWEEN THE LINES....

Marriage and Love (a must read!)

THE popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous, that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs. Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on superstition.

Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can completely outgrow a convention. There are to-day large numbers of men and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.

On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage. On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage must prove degrading to both the woman and the man.

Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue payments. If, how ever, woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider, marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more in an economic sense.

Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: "Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."

Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each other, without which every union is doomed to failure.

Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to realize this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not---as the stupid critic would have it---because she is tired of her responsibilities or feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has come to know that for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children. Can there be any thing more humiliating, more degrading than a life long proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman---what is there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow.

Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul---what is there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man's superiority that has kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing aware of herself as a being outside of the master's grace, the sacred institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of sentimental lamentation can stay it.

From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his trade. It is indecent and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything of the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of respectability, that needs the marriage vow to turn something which is filthy into the purest and most sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize. Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder of marriage. The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her only asset in the competitive field---sex. Thus she enters into life-long relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled, outraged beyond measure by the most natural and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe to say that a large percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal ignorance in sex matters that is being extolled as a great virtue. Nor is it at all an exaggeration when I say that more than one home has been broken up because of this deplorable fact.

If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn the mystery of sex without the sanction of State or Church, she will stand condemned as utterly unfit to become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness consisting of an empty head and plenty of money. Can there be anything more outrageous than the idea that a healthy, grown woman, full of life and passion, must deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense craving, undermine her health and break her spirit, must stunt her vision, abstain from the depth and glory of sex experience until a "good" man comes along to take her unto himself as a wife? That is precisely what marriage means. How can such an arrangement end except in failure? This is one, though not the least important, factor of marriage, which differentiates it from love.

Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo and Juliet risked the wrath of their fathers for love when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip of her neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions young people allow themselves the luxury of romance they are taken in care by the elders, drilled and pounded until they become "sensible."

The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether the man has aroused her love, but rather is it, "How much?" The important and only God of practical American life: Can the man make a living? Can he support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies marriage. Gradually this saturates every thought of the girl; her dreams are not of moonlight and kisses, of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping tours and bargain counters. This soul-poverty and sordidness are the elements inherent in the marriage institution. The State and the Church approve of no other ideal, simply because it is the one that necessitates the State and Church control of men and women.

Doubtless there are people who continue to consider love above dollars and cents. Particularly is this true of that class whom economic necessity has forced to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is indeed phenomenal when we reflect that it is but a short time since she has entered the industrial arena. Six million women wage-earners; six million women, who have the equal right with men to be exploited, to be robbed, to go on strike; aye, to starve even. Anything more, my lord? Yes, six million age-workers in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to the most difficult menial labor in the mines and on the railroad tracks; yes, even detectives and policemen. Surely the emancipation is complete.

Yet with all that, but a very small number of the vast army of women wage-workers look upon work as a permanent issue, in the same light as does man. No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught to be independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that no one is really independent in our economic tread mill; still, the poorest specimen of a man hates to be a parasite; to be known as such, at any rate.

The woman considers her position as worker transitory, to be thrown aside for the first bidder. That is why it is infinitely harder to organize women than men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get married, to have a home." Has she not been taught from infancy to look upon that as her ultimate calling? She learns soon enough that the home, though not so large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors and bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can escape him. The most tragic part, however, is that the home no longer frees her from wage slavery; it only increases her task.

But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for marriage? After all, is not that the most important consideration? The sham, the hypocrisy of it! Marriage protecting the child, yet thousands of children destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child, yet orphan asylums and reformatories over crowded, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping busy in rescuing the little victims from "loving" parents, to place them under more loving care, the Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it!

Marriage may have the power to "bring the horse to water," but has it ever made him drink? The law will place the father under arrest, and put him in convict's clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of the child? If the parent has no work, or if he hides his identity, what does marriage do then? It invokes the law to bring the man to "justice," to put him safely behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to the child, but to the State. The child receives but a blighted memory of its father's stripes.

As to the protection of the woman,---therein lies the curse of marriage. Not that it really protects her, but the very idea is so revolting, such an outrage and insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to forever condemn this parasitic institution.

It is like that other paternal arrangement ---capitalism. It robs man of his birthright, stunts his growth, poisons his body, keeps him in ignorance, in poverty and dependence, and then institutes charities that thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect.

The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute dependent. It incapacitates her for life's struggle, annihilates her social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human character.

If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's nature, what other protection does it need save love and freedom? Marriage but defiles, outrages, and corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman, Only when you follow me shall you bring forth life? Does it not condemn her to the block, does it not degrade and shame her if she refuses to buy her right to motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage only sanction motherhood, even though conceived in hatred, in compulsion? Yet, if motherhood be of free choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant passion, does it not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head and carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard? Were marriage to contain all the virtues claimed for it, its crimes against motherhood would exclude it forever from the realm of love.

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?

Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil, once love has taken root. If, however, the soil is sterile, how can marriage make it bear fruit? It is like the last desperate struggle of fleeting life against death.

Love needs no protection; it is its own protection. So long as love begets life no child is deserted, or hungry, or famished for the want of affection. I know this to be true. I know women who became mothers in freedom by the men they loved. Few children in wedlock enjoy the care, the protection, the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing.

The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race! shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine, --- and the marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex-awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble, decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and death. And if she does become a mother, it is to give to the child the deepest and best her being can yield. To grow with the child is her motto; she knows that in that manner alone call she help build true manhood and womanhood.

Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother, when, with a master stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving. She was the ideal mother because she had outgrown marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken her chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it returned a personality, regenerated and strong. Alas, it was too late to rescue her life's joy, her Oswald; but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the only condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like Mrs. Alving, have paid with blood and tears for their spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage as an imposition, a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether love last but one brief span of time or for eternity, it is the only creative, inspiring, elevating basis for a new race, a new world.

In our present pygmy state love is indeed a stranger to most people. Misunderstood and shunned, it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon withers and dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to adjust itself to the slimy woof of our social fabric. It weeps and moans and suffers with those who have need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's summit.

Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy, what imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even approximately the potentialities of such a force in the life of men and women. If the world is ever to give birth to true companionship and oneness, not marriage, but love will be the parent.

Original by: Emma Goldman

THE BITTERS

Eto ay kwento ng dalawang magkaibigan na parehong my bitterness sa buhay. Gusto ko na nga sila gawan ng libro at nag iisip nga ako ng pwedeng i-title – The adventures of B1 and B2 (Bitter 1 and Bitter 2) or The Bitterness..hmmm.. ano kaya? Minsan mahirap talaga intindihin ang mga taong may bitterness sa buhay hindi ba? Ewan ko lang kung may mapupulot tayong aral sa mga to..hehehe. Para magkaron kayo ng idea kung sino sila, eto..
BITTER 1 – Siya ang taong may malayang pag iisip. Hindi takot ang gustong gawin. Hindi siya kasal pero siya ang other woman. Na inlove sa isang may asawang tao. Inlove nga ba? Or nag aadik lang to..hehehe Pero parang nagging iba ang takbo ng kanyang pag iisip at pag uunawa? Hmm malalim ha..
BITTER 2 – Single naman siya, career wise, maayos naman. Malaya din ang pag iisip pero sa kasamaang palad, puro kaibiguan sa pag ibig (kaya siguro ang daming bitterness sa buhay nito haha). May nobyo pero ito ay long distance (aahhh..kaya siguro bitter haha).
Malalaman natin ang mag angst nila sa buhay sa pamamagitan ng kanilang usapan, halika at silipin nating ang usapan nila..na puro ka-bitteran…
Conversation Part 1:

Bitter 2: bkla
Bitter1: bkla hnd na talaga nagparamdam so wat should i do?
B2: waaahh bkla wag mo na din kontakin, isa lang ibig sabihin nun
B1: alam ko ibig sabihn nun
B2: pero kailangn bang i give up????
B1: bkla bkit ndi?
B1: huhuhu hnd ko ba paglalaban ito?
B2: bkla ano ba ang ipaglalaban mo?
B1: feelngs ko
B2: may mangyayari ba?
B1: wala magmumukhang tanga lang ako
B1: huhuhu
B2: eh kung ikaw handang ipaglaban tapos siya wala naman ano saysay?
B1: waaaaahhhhhhhh
B2: umarte, sa una pa lang bkla alam mo naman ndi nya i gigive up family nya at ikaw din ndi mo igigive up family mo
B1: oo malinaw namn un, alam ko eh
B2: o lam mo naman pala eh bakit parang gusto mo pang ituloy yan?
B1: haysss.... ewan ko gago sya un lang, bahala nga siya kung ayaw eh di wag waahhh
B2: fotah bkla bakt nagiging bitter ka? inlove ka ba talaga jan?
B1: oo as in
B2: bkla ka ano ba ang kayang mong ibigay at willing i give up?
B1: bkla ung gusto ko lang namn ung tipikal otherman woman relationship
B1: walang iigive up
B1: like kung ano meron kami nung una, wala namn kamng ginive up eh, pero pareho kaming masaya
B2: bkla un nga eh, later on bkla isa sa inyo mag sasawa, it's either u demand more or siya matakot kasi his wife will get suspicious
B2: ano bah, siya ba kya nyang gawin un for you?
B1: tama ka its either nagsawa na sya o natakot sa aswa nya pero feeling ko both
B2: bkla ung mga ganyang actions or mga ganyang ginagawa nya, ayaw na nya
B1: alam ko.... obvious naman... hindi ko lang matangap, yun! yun!!!
B2: bkla kasi alam mo kung bakit?
B1: ano
B2: kasi dati hindi ka ganyan, kasi dati wala lang sayo, kala mo ndi ka tatamaan dahil nga sex lang
B1: so karma????
B2: ay ndi ko alam, siguro para ma understand mo lang
B2: na ndi lahat eh puro sex
B2: hahaha
B2: adik ka kasi sa sex eh
B2: ayan na inlove ka tuloy
B1: gaga hnd namn ako puro sex lang may attraction ako sa mga taong yun and the best way to show it eh through sex
B2: oo nga may attraction or feelings pero kala mo hangang dun lang, meron pa pala na pwede mangyari beyond that
B1: bkla it hurts alam mo un
B1: huhuhuhu
B2: waahh oo naman, hirap kaya mabigo, nakakaloka un
B1: gusto kong sabotage sya waahhhh para makagnti man lang hehehe
B2: ikaw lang un umiibig at nag pupursige, hahaah bitternes ba ito
B1: siguro nga ganun kasi ako
B2: hirap pag one way lang
B1: pinaglalaban ko
B2: tapos ikaw lang nag eefort, i know the feeling noh
B1: hnd man nya sabihin nalang sa akin na wla na kami tigilan nya na ko at tapos na ang kahibangn namin
B2: oo nga noh para ndi ka umaasa, pero kasi lalaki un eh, nagsabi ka na na tapos na, at siya rin nagsabi na tapos na
B1: play safe ang hayup.... gusto pa ko gawing reserve leche
B2: ganon na nga, parang pag kelangan ka lang nya
B2: go pero wag ayaw na nya wlang contact
B1: oo nga its unfair namn on my side diba, i think dapat malamn to ng wife nya hehehe, para awayin man lang sya
B2: nyahahaa, wala ka naman ebidensiya, ano bah, wag ng adik
B1: txt ko kaya ng mga sweet nothigs ngayon, para mahuli sya hahahaha
B2: as if nman mababasa ng wife nya un
B1: hmmm malay mo
B1: txt ko sya para magulo buhay niya, heheheh, sweet nothings, now
B1: sweet revenge hehhee
B1: wat do u think?
B1: then after that wala na kami
B1: give up ko na sya!
B1: as in for good
B2: ngek bkla ka, tapos ano naman mangyayari?
B1: so ano il send this na
B2: sa frenster na lang haha
B1: eh di awayin sya asawa nya nakaganti ako sa knya hehehe
B2: diba may access dun ung asawa nya, eh di magagalit naman sayo un
B1: magsend din me dun sa frendster nya wahahhahha
B2: bkla ka bitter ka, hahaha
B1: as in gulo na to bakla, korek!!!
B2: bkla ka umayos ka, hahaha
B2: baka may baril un, hahhaa
B1: then i move on
B1: wahahahaa
B2: move on ka jan, hahaha
B1: marami akong baril dito noh hahaha
B1: txt ko, hello there still with your wife? I miss you already its been a while since i recived ur last message. Wish we could see each other again soon i miss our hot lovemaking. Love you so much muah!
B2: ano go n b, bkla wat do u think???, go?
B2: hahaha, gagah ka baka magalit sayo un
B1: ano send ko??? eh di mas ok may dahilan na sya ngayon para iwasan me, hnd pwedeng manahimik nalng me ng ganun lang bkla
B1: bkla tnxt ko na
B1: hmmmm bahala na kung ano ang kasunod
B1: im ready to face it
B2: nyahaha, adik ka
B1: naka online, message ko nmn ngayon hehe
B2: hala ka
B1: teka mukhang wife nya ata tong nasa ym

Ooppsss..sadya nating putulin dahil mahaba pa yan haha at may kakaiba daw na nangyari diyan. Sa tingin nyo ba kinausap ni B1 ang asawa?

Part 2
B2: ano na naman yan bkla
B1: wala kausap ko sya back to normal....
B2: yun nga laylow lang talaga kasi nasa haws sya last week, adik lang ako
B1: huh? ano naman yan, kala ko ba tinigilan mo na yan, ay pasaway
B1: ano nalang to maintenance... hehhe, hnd na ganun ka intense para at least he is still my option

Part 3
B1: ano gawa m bkla
B2: gusto kong umiyak!!!
B1: wahaha bakit
B2: gago tong jowa ko kakainis
B2: nag away kami as in tapos nag sorry ako fotah sbi nya nag sosory lang daw ako kasi may binili siya para sa akin at gusto kong makuha un!
B2: argh!!!
B2: bkla natapakan ang pagkatao ko nung, fotah kung gusto ko ng pera at regalo noon pa wala na ako sa kanya, &8!@? ina nya!!!
B1: hahha
B2: naiiyak ako bkla, gago siya talaga, naiinis ako
B1: eh di tingnan m alam nya kagaya ka rin ng iba kaya gudluk neng hnd na mwawala sa isip nya un
B2: oo nga eh, kakainis diba, ano na gagawin ko?, waaahh
B1: tigilan mo na
B2: tapos hanap na lang ng iba?, wwaaahh ayoko na ng iba, nakakapagod na
B1: wag ka maghanap hayaan m sila dumating, hehehe
B2: bkla pano ko sila makikita eh andito lang naman ako sa haws
B1: tanga got to believe in magic
B1: ehehe pag love talaga darating un, hnd pinipilit, ano ba
B2: kunsabagay
B1: kausap ko sarili ko wahaha
B2: nyahaha
B2: parang ang isang tanga nagbigay ng advise sa isa pang tanga, ano bah, hahaha
B1: oo ganun na nga un, hehe
B1: hind kaya ano pagnnasa lang siguro un
B1: wer frends namn lilipas din un libog ko dun nag inarte lang siguro ako na love un hehhe, adik
B2: hindi adik ka lang talaga
B1: oo
B1: alam ko ganyan ako sa mga nagng lalaki ko dati diba, pero lumilipas din,
B1: siya kasi eh un nga kasi binola nya ko love nya daw me
B1: kaya naniwala ako, heheheh
B1: pero ngayon wala sex sex lang tlaga yung junior nya lang pinanghinayangan ko hehhe
B2: nyahahaah junior ka jan, adik ka, hahhha, tigilan mo na ang kaka sex
B1: hnd kasi mabait din na miss ko company nya
B2: nakakasama din yan, hahaha
B1: tapos un nga kinikilig ako sa knya eh, as in kiss palang melt na ko, wwwaaaahhhh
B2: nyahaha kaya siguro ayaw iwanan ng misis, haha at mahal na mahal siya
B1: oo nga adik, hahaha, hnd namn kagandahan hmmppp
B2: bitter ka bkla!!
B1: oo siya din naman ha bitter sa aswa nya hahaha
B2: hahahah ows? jina justify ang pagiging bitter hahah
B1: hehehe gaga ka
B1: naka online si gago busy daw sa report nya heheheh
B2: arrruuhhh, tigilan mo na yan bkla, nakakasama sa atay yan, hahaha
B1: oo nga, hahahaha, baka ma-constipate ako, aahaa oo gagah
B2: tigilan mo na yan

Part 4
B1: i give up final na to
B2: nyahahah, no na namn give up give up na yan, let the pain remain in my heart
B1: ayoko na bkla
B1: kung ayw wag pilitin
B2: ay ano ba sabi ba nya wag na?
B1: delete ko na sya sa ym ko promise
B2: kaloka ka
B1: hnd na hurt ako online ayaw ako kausapin
B2: wag ng pahirapan ang sarili
B1: kasi kausap nya wife nya online
B2: oh tapos nag iinarte ka
B1: sabi nya baby nya kausap ganun na rin un
B2: nyahahaha, wag ng arte jan, wife ang kausap eh, umayos ka
B1: oo nga kaya, wag na, yoko na as in, bahala sya
B1: denelete ko na 2 nya ym nilagay sa spam, ignore list
B2: hahahaha, ows?, totoo ba yan?, hay naku bkla tawanan na lang natin ang problema
B2: kasi kami ng jowa ko mukhang mag bre break na, nag sabi na siya eh
B1: hahahhaa
B1: magsamasama tayong mga sawi
B2: waaaahhhhh korek, wala bang tanduay jan
B1: oo nga
B1: bkla ............ im so down talaga naiinis na ko, ang lungkot ko huhuhuu, It hurts it hurts
B2: ako din huhu lets comfort each other waaahhh
B1: wahhhh
B2: bkti ndi ka na ba talaga kinakausap?
B1: hnd, nalis ko na nga sa ym ko sya eh, wala talaga naiinis na ko, huhuhuhu
B2: ok lang un kahit ndi ka kausapin, ndi naman siya mkakahanap ng iba hehe
B1: alam ko, kaso ito adik ako, bkla affected leche, punyeta talaga inis ako, hayyysss
B2: bkla umayos ka na lang, isipin mo mwawala din yan
B2: fotah bkla kung hindi ka pinapansin eh di deadma na lang
B1: makaganti man lang sa knya leche sya
B2: oh ayan ka na naman
B1: eh ano nga, alam ko sasabihin mo tigilan ko na....
B1: ano ba to titigilan ko ba or wat
B2: tigilan na adik ka, kasi ikaw lang mahihirapan, Hangat maaga promis
B1: sige na nga promise titigilan ko na, oowwsss???, ilan beses ko na sinabi to, hagard na ko as in super down.....
B2: oo nga adik adik ka
B1: hays
B2: bakit ba kasi ayaw mo tigilan
B1: syet love ko kasi, hnd ko alam bakit, as in, nagseselos ako sa mga pics nila ng asawa nya, adik ako
B2: sobra na ang attachments mo
B1: todo na to, as in l-o-v-e, nagtxt ko if kumain na sya nagtxtbak namn, now wer txting....
B2: ay ewan ko sayo kala ko wala na
B1: sabi ko i feel so down
B2: sana naman ndi ka nagpapahalata na ikaw ang humahabol diba
B1: hnd ko kasi alam eh.... bakit sya nagttxtbak, deadma kung deadma diba
B2: ay ewan ko sayo, siguro he's trying to be nice to you, gentleman act?
B1: ahhh siguro nga civil lang si gago, waaahhh, bkla para m namn akong sinampal
B2: ano bah, kasi ikaw na din nag sabi sa akin eh, na ndi ka chat, ndi din siya nag ii nitiate na mag text, unless na ikaw ang mag text
B1: oo nga
B2: bkla isipin mo nga, katulad pa rin ba siya ng dati? tinitext ka pa din nya kahit na ndi mo siya text? nag sasabi ba siya na mahal ka talaga nya?
B1: hnd na
B2: oh, gumising na adik hahaha
B1: kapag tinanong ko sabi love namn daw
B2: hmmm kelangan talaga tanong mo un?
B1: tanga nga eh, adik
B2: hmmm bkla ndi nga sa nakikita ko parang he's trying to be nice lang
B2: ask mo siya tapos sabi nya love ka naman nya, sabi nya lang un para matapos na usapan, lam mo un?, waaaahhhh

Part 5
B1: adik tigilan m na
B2: oo nga eh, huhuhu, kakainis
B1:hay naku tigil na
B1: alisin m na sa ym mo yan, hahhaa
B2: nyahahaaha, parang ikaw lang
B2: kakainis, sana ndi na natin na raramdaman ito, tigilan na ang drugs bkla
B1: oo nga, wala hnd ko na sya ym, promise wala na sya sa messenger ko kaya hnd k nakikta
B2: nyehehe ows? promis?
B1: oo gaga, as in eh ikaw???
B2: bkla tigilan na kaya nating ang mga lalaki, hahaha waaahh, fotah bkla nawiwindang na ako lam mo ba yun
B1: oo sexsex nalng waahh na pag ibig
B2: hahaha sana diba? baka ma inlove ka ulit hahaha
B1: korek hnd na promis, hmmppp

Ang haba ng kanilang usapan diba? Na gets nyo ba? Kasi ako hindi hehehe..ang mga babae nga naman, talagang emosyonal at bitter, hindi na yun maalis. Sabi nga nila to be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all...o diba?

Lesson learned: Huwag iinom ng amplaya juice na marami para hind maging bitter!

SUGAR MOMMY?

Yes! yan ang sigaw ko at malaking katanungan ko sa buhay nang makilala ko ang lalaking ito. Pero sa totoo lang pwede rin sigurong sigawan nyo ako ng sabay-sabay ng Oo! Para sa sagot sa tanong kong ito. Habang nasa Samar.

Maloloka kayo, kahit ako parang gusto kong tanungin ng bayad na ba ang tuition fee mo? Nang ipakilala sa akin ng isang dating kaklase si Jules, batang bata 17 years old lang siya ng mga time na yun samantalang ang lola nyo eh naghuhumiyaw na 26 years old na! Naku, hind lang pala sugar mommy ang kalalabasan ko nito kung sakali, kundi kasong child abuse pa! Imagine halos siyam na taon ang pagitan naming dalawa. Parang tipong kung ako eh nagkakaroon na ng crush malamang siya eh utot palang ng nanay niya ng mga time na yun, ganun ang agwat.

Pero huwag po kayong mag-alala dahil ang utot eh lumabas na maganda at mabango, napakatalentado este talented ni Jules. Imagine sa edad niyang 17 years old siya ang vocalist ng bandang tumutugtog sa isang kilalang bar sa Samar. Habang nag-aaral sa umaga ang kawawang bata eh nagpupuyat naman sa gabi dahil sa mga gig nila. Alam nyo naman ang ang inyong lingkod, kung saan saan din napapadpad dahil sa trabaho, kaya ito naligaw ako ng samar at nakilala ang bata este ang lalaking ito

Noong una ko siyang mapanood habang nagpeperform parang naisip ko siguro ganitong ganito si Bamboo nung kabataan niya (teka matanda na ba si Bamboo?) Napakalikot nya mag perform as in performance to the maximum level ang loko. Halos magiba ang entablado sa likot at kasasayaw niya habang kumakanta. At dahil puro rock ang madalas niyang kantahin, na syempre trip ng lola nyo aba syempre bigay todo ang lola nyo sa pagpalakpak at pagsigaw ng “ Ang galling isa pa!” Ang sabi ko pa nga sa mga kasama ko sa table itatake home ko ang vocalist na ito sa sobrang tuwa ko.

Nagkataon namang kilala pala siya ng isa sa mga kasama ko, syempre pagkakataon ko na! Talagang pinilit ko ang friend ko na ipakilala ako sa star ng banda. Matapos ang performance, syempre kasama sa gimik ng banda ang mag entertain ng mga customer ng disco bar kaya ang loko eh napagawi rin sa table namin. Noon ko nalaman na… susmaryosep! Ang bata pala nitong lalaking ito! As in, at nalaman kong 1st year college lang pala siya. At syempre ang lola nyo dahil pa demure kunwari nakipagkamay lang at deadma na si “rockstar” na parang deadma lang din naman ako at bumalik na ng stage.

Teka, dinedma ako? Tama ba yun? Pwede ba naman yun? Syempre hindi papayag ang lola nyo na isnabin na lamang ng ganun ang beauty. Kaya nang mag uwian na kinuha ko sa friend ko ang CP number ni Jules na feeling rockstar, habang binubulong ko sa sarili na “lagot ka sa akin” nakangising parang demonyo He,he.

Kinabukasan dahil bored ang lola napagdiskitahan kong itxt si Jules, aba! Bolero ang loko hmmm… ganun ata sila talaga para mas makahatak ng more fans at customer sa bar. Sinakyan ko naman mga txt niya ang hindi ko makakalimutang sinabi niya sa akin ng mga oras na iyun eh yung, “Wala siyang GF” pero dahil hindi ako tanga siyempre hindi ako naniwala.

Pero, in fairness para sa akin ayos yung mga ganung lalaki yung mga nagsisinungaling na wala silang karelasyon, ibig sabihin kung ikaw ang babae at type mo siya at feel mo siyang anuhin…kaibiganin, ayos yung malaman mo kahit alam mong kasinungalingan lang yun na free si guy. Pwede akong mag alibi na kaya ko siya sinagot, or kaya ko siya pinatulan kasi sabi niya his lonely at wala siyang gf. O diba? So as usual ang may kasalanan si lalaki nanaman pagdating ng panahon na nagkabukuhan na.

So, he is still available… siniguro ko na rin na “free” siya ibig sabihin sigurado akong hindi niya ako sisingilin sa panandaliang ligaya kung sakali. Hindi ko naman masyadong keri yung after nyo magsex eh sasabihin sayong “ganito lang ang presyo with discount na yan,” kaloka! Hindi pa naman ako ganun ka desperada na magbabayad para sa sex hello?! May asim pa naman ang lola nyo at may katas pa! kung si madam Auring nga nag-iilusyon pang mabuntis syempe ang lola nyo nag iilusyon ding sariwa pa kahit papano.

Teka, bakit ba sex na sinasabi ko? Eh nagttxt palang naman kami, getting to know each other portion. Ang part na medyo magastos sa load, effort sa txt, pero minsan nakakakilig kaya sulit na rin, lalo na kung pareho ninyong makukuha ang pinaka objective ng pagbobolahan nyo.

Sa wakas napapayag niya rin ako (as if?) na magmit kami para lubusan daw niya akong makilala char! Hindi kaya tamaan ako ng kidlat sa mga pinagsasabi ko dito? Anyways, nagkita naman kami, sa isang kilalang fastfood chain, naka all black ang lola nyo samantalang si “rockstar: eh naka black na tshirt at faded jeans na ung harapan lang ata ang part na walang butas, style nya daw un. Bumibili ng mga matitinong maong pants at bubutasan kung saan saan, ayos ang fashion sense ng loko pero nagustuhan ko lalo.

Wow ha, nang makita niya ako tama bang sabihin na ang ganda ko “daw” pala sa umaga, naks naman syempre nagflushed este blushed ang lola nyo. Feeling namumukadkad palang na rosas he,he ikaw ba naman sabihan ng isang 17 years old na maganda at mukhang twenty lang “daw” sa kabila ng edad mong halos mag thirty na?

Well, saan pa nga ba hahantong ang pagkikita naming iyun? Syempre sa pinakamalapit na motel dun sa lugar. Tanghaling tapat! As in? hindi ko alam kung yun ang gusto ng mga kabataan ngayon ha, pero sige na nga go. Naisip ko baka naman strict ang parents at bawal na mag over night ang lokong ito kaya ganun.

Hindi ko maalala kung pano kami nauwi sa ganung sitwasyon, ako nasa isang higaan sa apat na sulok ng motel na yun na syempre ako ang nagbayad! (pakibaba ng kilay) Habang hinihintay na matapos sa shower ang bata este lalaking kasama ko. Sabi naman nila walang pinipiling edad ang pag-ibig diba? Syempre lalo na ang libido! May magagawa ba ako sa kanya pumintig ang puson ko? Na sinagot din naman niya ng buong pagnanasa diba?

Hindi na uso ang mga ganung kaartehan sa buhay, or maiiwanan ako sa pansitan. Imagine kung naging behave ako ng mga panahong iyun eh di hindi ako nakatikim ng romansa espesyal ng isang lalaking malayo ang agwat ng kabataan sa akin.

Iba pala ang mga ganung edad, mas aggressive parang laging nagmamadali na para bang hindi mo malaman kung takot maubusan o takot mahuli ng mga magulang na may ginagawang kalokohan. Paglabas palang ng loko sa banyo bigla na kaagad akong pinupog ng halik at niyakap. Teka lang ha wait, dahan dahan totoy at kailangan muna magshower ng lola mo.

Paglapit na paglapit ko palang sa kama, pakiramdam ko parang batang aagawan ng laruan ang kasama ko sa higpit ng pagkakayakap niya sa akin. Siniil niya ako ng halik, sa leeg sa likod ng tenga sa mga labi, para akong nalito sa bilis ng mga kilos niya. Pakiramdam ko malulunod ako sa pagmamadali niya, naramdaman kong gigil na pinipisil niya ang magkabila kong dibdib.

Kahit halos hindi ako makahabol sa bawat galaw niya, pakiramdam ko lalong nag-iinit ang bawat himaymay ng katawan ko. Naisip ko para akong masarap na putaheng inihanda sa isang taong ibibitay ng mga oras na iyun, gusto ko ang feeling na ganun, yung tipong isa kang Dyosang nilalang para magpasabog ng ligaya at kaluwalhatian sa mundo ng mga mortal.

Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong matangay sa nakakapaso at maalab niyang pagnanasa sa akin. Pinakiramdaman ko ang bawat sensasyon ng mga bahagi ng katawan kong madampian ng mga labi at kamay niya, mabilis at nagmamadali ang bawat paghagod ng mga kamay at labi nya sa ibat-ibang bahagi ng katawan ko, hindi ko alam kung anong humahabol sa kanya.

Nais kong pigilan siya, sabihin sa kanyang mag dahan-dahan at gusto kong namnamin ng husto kung paano ginigising ng mga haplos nya ang bawat bahagi ng katawan ko. Pakiramdam ko kasi, parang ginugulat ng mabilis na mga kilos nya ang katawan ko, na lalong nagpainit sa akin.

Nagulat na lamang ako nang biglang napahinto sa mabilis na pagkilos sa ibabaw ko ang lalaking kasama ko. Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari! O parang walang nangyari?! Feeling ko mabilis pa sa isang kisapmatang nilabasan ang lalaking ito. Animo’y pagod mula sa maghapong pagtakbo ang kasama kong nahiga sa tabi ko, habang ako nama’y parang naiwan sa ere na hindi alam kung anong gagawin…bitin!

Napabuntunghininga ako, malalim… naisip ko Oo nga naman size doesn’t matter talaga. Parang itong kasama ko ngayon, oo nga’t pinagpala ang hinaharap niya pero pagdating naman sa performance hindi ko alam kung anong score ang ibibigay ko.

Baka naman kasi wala pang masyadong karanasan kaya ganun? Baka nga! siguro eh dapat bigyan ng konting leksyon? Dapat habang bata pa eh tinuturuan na ang mga ganitong lalaki kung paano nga ba paliligayahin ang mga anak ni Eba.

Napasandal ako sa headboard ng kama, parang gusto kong magsindi ng sigarilyo, at humithit nito habang nag-iisip, pero hindi ako marunong manigarilyo at wala ring dalang yosi ang kasama ko. Ayoko ng ganitong feeling, pakiramdam ko nalugi ako, at syempre kailangang bumawi.

Napatingin ako sa kasama kong nakapikit pa rin ng mga oras na iyun, tinitigan ko ang bawat bahagi ng mukha nya, may naramdaman akong closeness sa kanya, emotionally. Alam ko, hindi naman pag-ibig ang nararamdaman ko, pero kahit papaano nandun yung feeling na parang gusto ko siya, physical attraction?

Hindi eh, parang feeling na gusto ko siyang alagaan? Hahaha, minsan natatawa ako sa sarili ko feeling ko lahat nalang ata ng tao parang gusto kong paligayahin sa kahit anong paraang alam ko o kaya ay alagaan! Magtayo kaya ako ng sarili kong Foundation? Klitorika Freelove Foundation?!

Tumayo ako at nagsalin ng tubig sa basong nasa ibabaw ng mesa, matapos lagukin ang laman ng baso bumalik ulit ako sa kama. Nakapikit pa rin ang kasama ko. “Its time for my sweet revenge” bulong ko sa sarili…

Matapos ang hindi makakalimutang karanasang itoh, naloka ako! Dahil si totoy ay naisipan nang pumisan sa akin? Well, ganito po kasi itoh mga kaibign dahil nga may matagalan akong project sa Samar, nagpasya akong kumuha na muna ng apartment para tipid diba?

So habang nasa Samar ako, syempre dalaga ang drama ko, mag-isa lang kaya naman hindi na rin ako nag inarte pa nang mapansin kong halos every day na ata eh nasa apartment ko na itong si totoy.

Kaloka diba? Para talaga akong sugar hot mama , may estudyanteng nakikitira sa apartment ko. At dahil kasama ko na nga palagi itong batang ito, nawindang naman ako dahil ang girls as in jowa ng estudyanteng si totoy eh madalas na ring pumunta sa apartment ko para awayin siya!

Eskandalo diba? Ano ba naman itong mga kabataang ito mga pasaway! Natatawa akong hindi maintindihan ang mga drama nila sa buhay, may mga eksenang sampalan, batuhan, iyakan at dramahan sila sa labas ng mansion ko.

Pero, ang maganda lang never naman nila akong hinarap at sinabihang “Hoy matandang matrona, tigilan mo na ang BF ko!” Kakaloka baka hindi ko na keri yun. Pero excuse me, hindi pa naman ako ganun katanda, at isa pa kasalanan ko bang mahumaling sa akin ang BF nila. In the first place wala akong balak mang agaw, nakikitikim lang ako noh. Aba’y subukan lang nilang kantiin ako at baka manghiram silang bigla ng mukha sa daga. (tapang)

Sa totoo lang tumagal din halos ng ilang buwan ang ganung eksena at drama namin sa buhay nitong si Totoy. Hangang sa may makadisvover sa kanyang bandang taga manila.

At dahil nga sa talaga namang talented ang mokong na iyun, pinili niyang mag fulltime nalang sa banda at huminto sa pag-aaral para lumuwas ng Maynila. In fairness nasa ibang bansa na siya ngayon at dun na tumutugtog, ang layo na rin ng narating ng batang iyun.

Minsan nagkakausap pa rin naman kami hangang ngayon, katulad ng dapat asahan ayun babaero pa rin. Pero bilib ako sa kanya dahil hangang ngayon saksakan pa rin ng bolero ang walanghiya, tama bang sabihing the best pa rin daw ang lola nyo pagdating sa kama? Hus, alangan naming hindi ako maniniwala sa kanya eh totoo naman talaga yun!

Anyways, Isa lang ang masasabi ko, ibang level ang nagging closeness namin sa isat-isa, dahil sa akin niya lang nasasabi ang lahat ng mga kalokohan niya sa buhay, para siyang nagkaroon ng ate sa katauhan ko.

Siyanga pala tatlo na ang anak ng walanghiya at puro panganay! Hayyss, hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipagtatangol ang mga babaeng ito sa mga ganitong klase ng lalaki. Pero naisip ko, what if yun talaga ang gusto nila sa buhay? Ang magpa-anak lang, kahit alam nilang wala naman sa hinagap ng lalaking ito ang pakasalan o suportahan sila? Ayokong husgahan sila, alam ko namang kahit papaano eh naging masaya rin sila sa piling ng lalaking ito na minsan eh nakapiling ko rin.

Goodluck nalang mga ateh!

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Hmmm siyanga pala balik pinas na ulit sya ngayon at tumutugtog sa dalawang kilalang bar sa Manila. Wala daw siyang GF ngayon, sus pa as if maniwala ako sa kanya. Pero tulad ng dati ganun pa rin siya sa akin. Special pa rin daw ako sa kanya well, anong magagawa ko kung ganun kahaba ang hair ng lola nyo? Pero in fairness na miss ko sya promise!

The Bridges of Madison County

Francesca: And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before.

Robert Kincaid: This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.

Francesa: I was just going to have some iced tea and split the atom, but that can wait.

Robert: If you want me to stop, tell me now. Francesca: No one's asking you to.

Francesca: Robert, please. You don't understand, no-one does. When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected move again only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself. You never in your life think that love like this can happen to you.

Robert Kincaid: But now that you have it... Francesca: I want to keep it forever. I want to love you the way I do now the rest of my life. Don't you understand... we'll lose it if we leave. I can't make an entire life disappear to start a new one. All I can do is try to hold onto to both. Help me. Help me not lose loving you.

Robert: The old dreams were good dreams; they didn't work out, but glad I had them.

Robert Kincaid: I dont want to need you, 'cause I can't have you.

Robert Kincaid: Don't kid yourself, Francesca: you are anything but a simple woman.

Caroline: Who knew that, in between bake sales, my mother was Anaïs Nin?

Robert: When I think of why I make pictures, the reason that I can come up with just seems that I've been making my way here. It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you.

Francesca: So, do you want more eggs or should we just fuck on the linoleum one last time?

Francesca: I realized love won't obey our expectations, it's mystery is pure and absolute.

Robert Kincaid: Things change. They always do, it's one of the things of nature. Most people are afraid of change, but if you look at it as something you can always count on, then it can be a comfort.

Francesca: They came home. And with them, my life of details.

Hayyss kelan ko lang ulit napanood ang pelikulang ito, pero gosh bumaha ng luha... huhuhu ang hirap pala ng mga ganito no, tipong we had the right love at the wrong time, it cant be wrong when it feels so right, but then again... ayun you have to make choices.

Depende na sayo kung ano ang pipiliin mo mahirap manimbang... kahit ako hindi ko alam ... siguro. Haaayyysss pag-ibig nga naman! sana pagnanasa nalang noh para wala nang problema hehehe joke!